the upside of being sick

yes there is an upside. i'm too tired to do anything so i read and i've read five books in as many days. this is what i love best! i think that's what i did when i was a child, more than anything else. always reading.

i didn't read anything earth-shatteringly good, but lots of fun stuff and books that are helpful for me. i know that my novel that is ALMOST perfect would BE perfect if i can just adjust the plot problems. reading these books has helped me rethink the novel and i am thinking that one chapter that comes in the middle of the book needs to be moved closer to the end. that one change (plus rewriting other things to catch the fallout) might be the thing that makes the book right.

now if only i had two more weeks of winter break, healthy and willing and able to spend time writing - that would be heaven!

the haze of a flu

damn i'm sick. i haven't had a flu this bad in a long time - full on headache and body ache and cough and all that goes with it. so it puts me in this hazy dreamy state that would be GREAT for writing if only i had the energy to write.

last night, as i did not sleep, i created. if only i could have created on a computer instead of inside my head. i had been reading a biography of C.S. Lewis (creator of the Narnia stories) and i thought about writing a novel about a man who is all manly-man, a regular guy, but who at the privacy of his computer creates a fantasy world starring a little girl. i imagine scenes such as him playing pick-up basketball with friends, then getting an inspiration about his story and, in doing so, missing a crucial shot. but he can't tell the guys because he has told no one about this story. and there it sits. i would like to do something with it rather than have it be the result of a fever dream, and left to wither away....

outside of my head, LA is really cold (for LA - this would be wonderfully comfortable and welcome weather to our relatives in Chicago!). i love that trees are changing color and there are some streets we can drive that feel like New England (as i imagine it might be) with all these golden and red and orange trees and leaves all over the street. beautiful especially with the blue sky and crisp, cold sunlight.

we are driving some of these streets because we are teaching rylan to drive. except there is not much teaching involved. as is usual for him, he studied us and other people intently for the last six months. he got his permit a week ago, and we began letting him drive and he is very cautious but does very well. he's aware of things around him and he's confident without getting cocky. of course, this is on quiet streets. eventually he will have to get on busier streets and deal with traffic.

okay, so there is some hazy babbling! i should have music on and i don't even have the energy to do that! if i did have the energy i would play the new John Legend cd that ry gave me for christmas. maybe tomorrow.

the sisters

my big goal: to smoosh three partly or fully written novels together into one. to make the five women in the three novels either sisters (3) or cousins (2). to create more tension with the interwoven narratives. to kill off one of the characters even though that is too too painful to contemplate. but it must be done.

started. and wow is it hard to take separate work and put it together as one. however, it is also a great deal of fun and challenge and takes wonderful creative energy which, after all, is the best part of being a writer.

on itunes repeat while i work: my mixtape of "heartbreaking songs."

Victory! and the let-down

Yaay we won!! Obama is our next president!

bittersweet victory however, since Prop 8 passed in california and now there will have to be all kinds of legal challenges to allow gays to marry. so all happiness for Obama is tempered with sadness and annoyance at Prop 8.

And now - what do i do with my time? no more obsessive poll tracking. No more trying to second guess what will happen. i am interested in Obama's cabinet choices, but not as much as i was in the election overall. and if i never hear another word about Sarah it would be too soon.

so.....back to writing. got several ideas for stories and i need to channel my obsessive internet reading into word-processing fiction writing. really.

high anxiety

it's saturday. the election is tuesday. i can't stop reading blogs: huffington post, the daily kos, talking points memo, politico and a new one to my list, filled with incomprehensible statistics, called fivethirtyeight.

so this is too much information and i keep trying to read the future in them like they are tea leaves, or the guts of some sacrificed animal. and of course i can't read the future, so i find myself agitated and worried.

there should be a name for this.

democrat-anxiety-syndrome.

pre-election traumatic disorder.

obsessive-polltracker disorder.

or not

okay, no serialized story for me. i tried to start one, but the pressure was immediately too much. the only way i can do a serial story is to just write the whole thing, then break it into pieces and post it. only after it's all done. so, okay, i chickened out.

it's beautiful and cold (for LA) today with clear skies and winds and lots of sun. this is when i feel lucky to live in LA.

and on itunes right now, Birdland by Weather Report because Rylan is getting into some jazz with his music lessons and so i am geting a lesson in jazz from him. i like it. just wish it had words.......

retreating to fantasy

okay, i give up. i have had enough of political blogs that go over (and over and over) the things McCain says about Obama, the poll numbers, and the miserable state of the economy.

time for some Tolkien or Pullman - perhaps i will re-read the Dark Materials books. or perhaps i should be writing and go back to my days of writing fantasy with elves and demons and magic. isn't that what you do when times are bad? escape into fantasy? isn't that why The Wizard of Oz movie was such a big hit at the end of the 30's?

my students were assigned to write a story using lines from Richard Hugo's triggering town essay. so i am now assigning myself the same task. maybe i will post it here - serialize it, a little bit every day.....

okay now i really have some work to do!

racism in america

wow, that title might be too strong for me. but it's what i've been thinking about all week. Sarah Palin is making veiled racist attacks on Obama, playing to the fears of voters who don't want a black man for president. Voters in some southern states are saying that if Obama is elected, the blacks will get "uppity." I hope (really really hard) that Obama is elected and then i hope we have four years of discussion about race and racism. it's time to move forward.

we left overt racism behind with the civil rights movement and have devolved into a subversive racism that is secret and silent and pervasive, but is never spoken about. yeah, i'm a white middle class woman, but i worked for years in South Central with young black men and women who had dropped out of high school and wanted that diploma - after time in gangs and in jails. does this qualify me to be an expert on race? no. but it means i have spoken to young people who feel so far removed from mainstream society that they operate in a different world and can't even imagine that they could be a part of the mainstream, that they can contribute.

Obama can go a long way to healing that without being too "scary" for most white folks. a dialogue on race, with lots of talking on all sides of the issue, can be painful and brutal and ultimately helpful and even, perhaps, uplifting. and it is so, so necessary.

songs with names

yeah, names. as in the name of an individual person. a student of mine, Giulia, had never heard the Beatles song, Julia. So I played it for her and she was pleased that it was such a beautiful song.

what do i get? Amy - "Amy, what you gonna do. I wish I could stay with you for a while, maybe longer if i do." band was the Pure Prairie League, a country-rock band in the 70's. it was corny and i hated it. still do.

i have better luck with my middle name. it's Lola. So I get "whatever Lola wants, Lola gets," from the Damn Yankees. And from the Kinks, "L-O-L-A, Lola, lo-lo-lo-lo-lola." you know, "she walks like a woman but talks like a man, oh my Lola."

i like those. those are good. now if only someone would write a better Amy song.

new addictions

damn. i just discovered facebook. so many of my students are on it, and i thought they would like to be on without teachers looking over their shoulders. but then i saw that a number of my colleagues are on it as well. so i had to join the party. and now i am checking it obsessively (like email) to see if anyone has written anything on my "wall." i will have to pace myself.

and now to sarah palin. my addiction is to read everything i can about her, to confirm that she is a horrible person. there isn't much because she just hasn't done that much which points to her lack of experience. is that a faulty argument? if she had more experience she would have done more evil things. actually, i think it's true. the longer she stays in office as governor, or heaven forbid becomes vice president, the more damage she will do. she is clearly vindictive. she clearly does NOT know how to compromise and work in cooperation with people who have different ideas from her. that's where McCain, Biden and Obama all have experience by having worked in the senate. she just bulldozes people who don't do what she wants. that's an autocrat, not the leader of a democracy.

i read about her in the Guardian and i cringe. What do people in the UK make of us that such a person could become the next vice-president? let's see: wants to teach creationism in schools, but not birth control, against all abortions, doesn't believe global warming is man-made, against gay marriage, and is for drilling in the Alaskan wilderness.

i want a bumper sticker that reads "another mother for Obama"

sigh. i have to stop reading about her. it's making me ill.

must end on a happy note. let's see . . . i will go get a bowl of ice cream. that will help.